So finished the YCH and i have a Comm ill be posting probably tomorrow to spread the posts more, think i have a sketch page i can post for today. Both of those were things i had started 2 weeks ago roughly, 14 days, and only finished them in the last 3. You ever think about what the fuck you've been doing for the last X amount of time and it feels like you were an entirely different person? Anyway, having not sketched and not really drawn for 2 weeks, its going to be rough for the next few days to get my muscle memory and wrist back, always happens, always sucks, but the goal is to suck less, not to be back in my perfect drawing shape, the journey to get there is the real goal of it.
Im not sure if im just hitting something of a creative block or if ive been just simply massively distracted because of a lack of emphasis on a target to go towards. Full disclosure, in the middle of November i realised i wouldnt be able to make my draw targets that i set for myself probably some time in the summer? goals were to finish 40 more drawings starting with the maid catboi, and as of the Tiefling image i did 24, so what im at 31 now? and with 25 days~ to go, and an average turn out of 5 days per, though with Christmas coming up (for which i have to change my sleep schedule, i usually wake up at 8pm and sleep at 11am-noon cuz ima gangsta, and for Christmas stuff i have to be awake from 7am-7pm, so ill be really tired and not wanting to do anything for a few days of that. Its still definitely possible to hit 40 if i commit to doing slap dash draws like the recent Snuh, Chiki, and Lucy.... honestly its still actually possible, though it wasnt what i had in mind.
ANYWAY, other goal was to have a total of £1000 all at the same time available to me, which i got to £800, which is more than $1000 so thats neat, but still a failure. The thing with money goals, and the same with the last goal which was twitter follower count is that i dont really have control over those things. I obviously influence it, but its a step removed from direct control. The 40 draws before the end of the year definitely was one i had control of, and having a 'goal' of followers is kinda cringe and not what im really about.
The thing with setting targets is that you cant be sure if you'll hit them, so the fear of not hitting them feels pretty bad, even though like i said before, the real goal is the friends we made along the way. So yeah i overshot it and the goals were the wrong 'type' and thats something ill be taking forward with me. The real target though is to be able to be self sufficient doing this as a main activity within the next year or 2... if i hit fuckin 30 still in this same position as i am now thats a nut puncher, and i have been thinking about getting a regular job at least part time, which honestly knowing my artistic workflow, wouldnt change much at all. I can draw stuff flat out for about an hour before being distracted, sometimes can push it to 2 hours, and honestly if i could just do that twice a day, even if theres a 5hour gap of nothing in between, id probably be more efficient, so theres easily time for everything im doing now, but also with some big £££ coins rolling in.... but id rather not do that if i dont have to because im a cowardly person, lot of fears about 'what ifs' in my head about most things i do, so its very difficult for me to do things that interfere with my current scheduling...
I learned more about myself, and that one of my more dominant personality traits is Neuroticism. I watched Robots again the other day, weird segue i know, and one of the main group was the guy that was doubtful, wanting to give up, and a general doom sayer, and i really connected with that. On our own we arent great and pretty depressing, but in a team we see problems much faster and so can better devise ways to handle them. However, im also Introverted so finding a 'team' to be part of kinda sucks when you're much more inclined to be solo venturing through the world. Makes me want to watch Kings Speech again... makes me think about someone like Luigi and why he got the mansion games. If it were Mario, itd be kinda boring cuz hes just tackling everything, but Luigi is terrified but he does it anyway, and people will gravitate towards that show of courage. Courage is not lack of fear, its proceeding despite it. Hopefully i can do that more and more in small ways until its needed in big ones...
Speaking of which, ive been adding some chores to my schedule. Started off when we got one of our current dogs like a year ago because he only pisses and shits when taken outside on a walk, so i take him out when i wake up and before i sleep. Then with the other dog, she doesnt go out at all and she was ripping stuff up and playing rough because she was bored, so i started taking her out too, and from that, im more able to train them. Dog walking is essential life experience honestly. But now also, i take out the bin bags when theyre full, take them out for collection day, and put cups and dishes away after theyre washed. Something about putting things in things and things in places that is pleasing... but fuck washing the things themselves, i hate that. Overall, adding more responsibilities in minor ways that are stacking up and it feels really good, and hopefully if i keep it up, ill feel confident enough to do all the other things i said about earlier.
In the mean time thats relevant to you though, going to get back to posting sketch pages every day starting after the weekend. I probably will do more slap dash style things with my OC to at least get closer to my amount of draws target by the end of the year, still doable actually. Maybe i can get one more YCH out before xmas comes in? Other than that, i guess when i turn 26 in April we'll see if i have an early life crisis.... Anyone thats younger than 24, i envy you, and now i understand what people mean when they say 'use your youth', im getting oooold. 'you never know what you have until its gone' is such a fuckin arse of a truth aint it.
Maybe i should do all my OCs either together or seperate with Xmas stuff on, posing together, wishing everyone a Proper Crimbo.
So yeah, im gay