context: Last few days have had 2 main stressers. having to meet someone, and also being asked if i 'need to be awake at night'. I dont like people, and night time is my choice and a boundary i have with how i want to live my life. These things really bother me, and when im stressed i bite my tongue. That sounds worse than it is. These things also come semi-out of nowhere and put a halt on certain plans i had because if theres a social obligation in future, i can barely think of anything else.

dream itself: coming into the house, hearing the cat my brother liked had died. he described holdng her paw and how cold it was. sounded light hearted about it. then apparently, even though i didnt, i said something really vague from a song ive never heard of, and it was in the form of a bunch of emojis and symbols ive never seen before, somehow texted to him telepathically, and its a song lyric line meant something in a sexual way, which he then picked up my current dog i love, and he carried him outside and locked him in a shed, while the dog looked back to me looking really scared, i didnt know where he was taking him, i didnt know why, i didnt even know he was angry at me, and i dont know why he chose to show me 'how it feels', until he put him in the shed, which i could see had a few peices of wood missing so i could easily get him out if the door was locked. He got angry at me for saying something mocking him and his pain, i asked a few times what he was angry about, what i said, because as far as i know i didnt say anything, and i was totally confused. i didnt say what he thought i said, i looked up like a telepathic DM history screen and apparently i did send what he said, a song lyric totally made up and represented by circle emojis and 7s, somehow he understood it and said it meant something sexual.

This is always been the case with him, i cant predict what he's going to flip out at. highly volitile, and i always fear im not expressing myself accurately enough to be properly understood with unintentional signals. One of the reasons i have social anxieties, because my interaction with people that are supposed to care for me is full of uncertainty and aggression in the past, so what would a random person do? and when around family, it feels like whatever i may reveal about myself i cant be sure they will be fine with it, so i must keep closed off. With anyone online i know they cant do anything to me so i dont give so much of a shit, i can keep groups separate.

Being awake at night lets me avoid these types of things. Im going to write down my list of boundaries and hopefully that makes it easier for me to enforce them.